An Internal Survival Of The Primitive Marine Element

I have had a lot of whiskey tonight. I am truly "in a way" as Proust's narrator would say, though he would qualify it with a certain modifier before "way," indicating just what sort of manner he was existing and behaving in. In my case, I have had adequate whiskey to prevent me from having any interest in writing the post I had planned. I have been thoroughly fascinated by the dynamic of romance as presented in Cities Of The Plain, especially the second chapter's second part, where Proust's interactions with poor Albertine have been so serpentine, so complex that the poor girl was surely at an absolute loss.

I have at least half a dozen bracketed or underlined quotations that I was going to use to build a series of reflections on this matter. Instead, though, I will highlight a certain question I was asked about Proust this past holiday while driving from the train station. Due to whiskey and time, my memory of the exact wording is hazy, but it was akin to this:

Being that Proust was born and raised in a privileged situation, does it change how you feel about the insights you've found in his work?

And I had honestly been thinking about this. I'm finding these brilliant, glimmering bits of hope for my situation in his work. My situation, of course, involving an adult lifetime (of a whopping five years to be totally fair) of manual/skilled/"menial" work, is vastly different from Proust's. I remarked to Joe (my close friend who asked me this question and, frankly, probably my only friend "qualified" to ask me heavier questions regarding this project based on his academic credentials and, honestly, the impressiveness of his intellect) that I had likely done inadequate research prior to undertaking this about Proust's personal life and younger life in order to understand more fully what he would be discussing when I did arrive at the stage I am now at. 

I was not aware that Proust was born into a very wealthy family when I began reading his work. Thus, I spent nearly the entirety of the first two novels figuring out where he fit into society and why, exactly, it appeared that the bulk of his concerns revolved around societal issues and class-related matters. Once it was clear to me where Proust stood on the social food chain, however, the insights began to become clear to me with more regularity and with more sharpness, as they were no longer inhibited by spending part of my mind's capital on figuring out the "why" and "how" of Proust's social life and his activities that resulted in such insights. 

My final answer to Joe, and to anyone interested in reading Proust, is this: Due to his privileged upbringing and lifestyle, Proust was able to contemplate and more fully "figure out" those big questions in life that I simply do not have the psychological or emotional reserves to deal with because of my lifestyle. I spend a great portion of my mental resources worrying about bills, money, my future, and what I will do to solve the first two problems during the course of the latter one, which leaves me with little to no time to try to connect the dots across a lifetime of parallels and coincidences or serendipitous events. Proust had the time and the emotional awareness to dedicate a wonderful ~3,200 pages to the study of those very questions that wake me in the middle of the night, but still fall behind "rent is fucking due next week and I only worked 60 hours all month," or "it's Christmas time and I am fucking broke..." Thus, I say only that while our lifestyles are incongruent, our concerns are not, and I am thankful that these novels are here to help me, sort of as a study guide of a kind, to recognize and conquer the more challenging corners of the struggle and joys of life.

By answering these foundational questions, I have found new ones that are newer to me and more dimensional. I am finding new avenues in myself and my life to dive into and investigate. If for nothing else, I would not undo a single page or hour spent reading since beginning this project twenty five short days ago.